I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
