We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
