Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
