i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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