Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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