all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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