I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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