i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
