Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
