Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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