Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
