no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
