If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
