You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
