His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
