I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
