Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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