Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
