Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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