There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
