He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
