i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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