um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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