He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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