Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
