Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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