Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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