You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
