i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
