I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ttyl tear gas
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
