I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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