Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
