I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
