We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
