when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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