Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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