i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
