From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
