24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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