I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
