The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize