a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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