he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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