I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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