shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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