Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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