just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
