the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
