I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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