Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
