I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
