You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's never too late to be topless.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
