I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
