No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
