My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
