did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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