State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
