It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
