he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
