You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
