my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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